The Cucco Diaries
by CheeseFromJupiter
Summary: Five cuccos keep their diaries in a journey to go back to the wild. I accept all reviews And yes, that is a hint.
1. Chapter 1

**The Diary of Joseph the Cucco**

**Day one of King Ganondorf's reign**

Location – Heading towards a "Ranch" 

_**7:40** _On a trailer, heading towards a "Ranch." Ah well, beggars can't be choosers. We have to go to this place because King Ganondorf unleashed a bunch of undead things upon the city and turned the castle, once so beautiful, into a house of evil. He is a most unfriendly chap, but admirable none the less. I wonder whether he'd consider letting me on as an apprentice.. I'm house trained.

_**8:10** _We finally arrive. It's rather much further away from the Castle Town than I anticipated – I hope I don't get homesick. Still. When we get out, I take a good look at my fellow cuccos for the first time since arriving here. There's a rather odd one, one with shifty eyes, and two angry/miserable. One is male and one is female. I can't help but feel I should have made myself a little more presentable. If cuccos could blush, I would be doing so right now.

**_8:20 _** A girl with red hair comes out of the barn. I expect – if this is anything like a farm – she would have been taking the animals out. She doesn't appear tired, but has dark circles under her bright blue eyes. Must look further into this. The man who brought us here, started demanding payment. The girl said that that wasn't part of their deal. A whole ruckus is started up – during which he yells, "I'm putting my foot down!" And he does. Right on me. I let out a cry of surprise and agony, (For after all, what sort of man wears high heels?) and my fellow birds came to aid me. The man excused himself quickly, saying he would let himself out. The girl then looks at us and says, "Looks like I got myself some free cuccos."

**_8:25_** I have five fellow cuccos with me. One is named Mike. He's okay, I guess, and just broke up with his lady caller, Sylvia. Sylvia is very beautiful. Mike must be heart broken. The other one is Sam. He's a little bit more placid than Mike, and he is firmly convinced the sky is falling. I can't help but wonder why. My final acquaintance is Richard. He's an intelligent and witty cock, but has his head filled with world domination and other such nonsense – I wonder how he can sleep at night.

**_8:30 _**Richard begins his rant about how we are better than other races.

**_16:19: _**Richard finishes rant. He then says we have to "Break free from this immoral and unfair dictatorship." Sam asked what immoral meant. Richard told him to shut up.

**_16:20 _**Richard tells us we're heading for Kakariko Village, where Anju the Cucco Lady lives. This means we have to cross Hyrule Field. And it's almost night time. Oh dear.

**_19:00 _**We encounter the stalchildren around halfway across. They're nice people, but they can be a bit… Rambunctious. One tried to eat Sam. No one really cared.

**_19:14 _**Settle down to have a few pints with the new friends. I sit next to one called Bob, who'd recently separated from his lady friend. I advised him to get over it, and told him there were plenty more fish in the sea. For some reason, this only made him cry into his beer. Oh dear.

**_21:00 _**We decide to leave. The stalchildren tease us for being "Lightweights".

**_21:01 _**I see a large beetle. Sam eats it.

An: This is short, but it's just a prologue. If you like it, review, and if you don't like it, review anyway.


	2. Chapter 2

**The Diary of Mike the Cucco**

**Day two of King Ganondorf's reign**

Location – Kakariko Village/Zora's River 

_**10:00** _We woke up rather late today – Beers and then sleeping on a cobble stone road? We've learned that isn't a good idea. When we finally arrived at Kakariko - with sore heads and awful breath – Richard announces he doesn't know what Anju looks like. Damn.

**_10:02 _**Richard left to find her. It is becoming unbearable to be around Sylvia now – Especially since I saw her making eyes at the new cucco last night. Woe is the newly divorced..

**_10:20 _** After a good while of searching, Richard agrees to let us rest. It's been a long time since we've had some food, so Richard lets us go into a pub for some food and drinks. The place is filled with shirtless men, and a disco appears to be going on. When we get to the bartender, who's sanity I am very worried about, we order some drinks. Sam asks what's wrong with the men in here. I tell him to shut up, though I'm actually wondering the same.

**_10:25_** We leave after another male cucco attempts to flirt with Joseph.

**_11:30 _**Around an hour later, we emerge in what looks like a cucco coop. There's a blue cucco. What a freak.

**_11:35 _** Leave the coop. The Cuccos living their had a strange accent and used a lot of strange words. Silly beggars.

**_11:36 _**The author tries very hard to think of something interesting and witty. She fails miserably.

**_12:00 _**We left Kakariko Village shortly after. We crossed the river. Joseph suggested Zora's Domain, saying he knew someone there. The walk to the river was very tedious. We got spat at by octorocs more than once, and we unfortunately met the crazy scientist from Lake Hylia. He started mumbling about diving, then grabbed Sam and threw him into the water. As Sam was carried away by the current, the scientist called, "You should be able to dive further than that!" Sam is probably dead now. No one really seems to care.

**_12:15 _**Eventually meet Joseph's friend, Eric. He seems nice enough, and wears glasses. According to Joseph, he's a real brain box – Top o' the year in college. He told us that Zora's Domain is scary, and that a horrific, bald headed, naked fish thing lives their, slaughtering the stereotypical princess image. Richard decides we'll stay clear of the place until further notice.

**_12:25 _**That fellow Richard talks about oh-so often appeared today. He looked frightful, his bright orange hair clashing with his deep green skin. Trinny and Susanna would be _appalled _ "Yuck." Sylvia said simply.

"Indeed." I agreed.

"How dare you!" Richard snapped. "That is the great king Ganondorf!"

"He's still pug ugly." Joseph added.

"His repulsive looks may shroud a heart of gold. Let us look further into this." Eric suggested.  
"Ahem.." Richard began. "King Ganondorf of Shroudiness, we are your humble cuccos servants; we are forever at your command! Let us rejoice, as today, we make a treaty – To the cucco and the Gerudo!"  
"Hear hear!" We cried.

"What's wrong with my looks?" Ganondorf whimpered self –consciously.

**_12:30 _**The diary is cut short for non-stop partying between the Gerudo and the Cucco. Ganondorf excuses himself, saying he has "Business to attend to.".

An: **Gasps.** Hope ya enjoyed that! It took me a while to write and I'm sorry, but… I've played Twilight Princess! Please don't call me a liar! I played it at Go Play Games, a gaming convention held in Edinburgh. It was awesome.

REVIEWS 

**Uber Spoonz: Thankies! The holiday was good (Rained like crazy, though. Dumb British weather...) I don't think her name matters.. I love your story – It's excellent! **


	3. Chapter 3

**The Diary of Sylvia the Cucco-Ette**

**Day three of King Ganondorf's reign**

Location – Gerudo Valley 

_**05:00** _Got up early for the first time in weeks to crow when the sun comes up. Very few people know that I am the wonderful voice behind the sunrise. A gerudo got up and threw a shoe at me. Honestly, some people have no taste.

**_07:00 _**The rest wake up. Joseph complements me on good crowing. I say thank you. It takes us a while before we realise King Ganondorf is missing. Nabooru, a nice, polite young lady, responsible for most deaths and pillages on the gerudo part, explains that ever since Joseph's comment on his complexion, has been running to the salon/spa every hour or so. Silly Joseph. Still, I can't help but wonder what he'll be getting there. Perhaps a mud bath.

**_07:20 _** I have come to realise that Miss Nabooru is perhaps the best source of gossip in the whole of Hyrule. Apparently Miss Anju, the one we were looking for, is having a love child with Mr Guru Guru. Whilst we were on the subject of scandals and incrimination, I accidentally enquired as to who King Ganondorf's Red Hot Lover was. She told me. Needless to say, I was quite shocked.

**_08:25_** Go out to meet the boys for a spot of coffee. Joseph asked me what Miss Nabooru and I were talking about. I told him nothing. He continued to pester me, and eventually I told him, "Women's matters." That stopped his questions.

**_8:30 _**Wave goodbye to Nabooru. We decide to have one last gander around Hyrule town. Apparently, the Redeads were still a quite small population, and that they were only hanging around the castle. Richard said that there were Hylians still living there. This confused us. Redeads couldn't be that much trouble, and if Hylians could survive with them, surely a bunch of naïve young cuccos could?

**_11:00 _** Arrive at the castle town. It's relatively dead, but then it's nigh time. Lights flicker in a small amount of windows, so it's plain to see there are still some inhabitants. We walked through it, looking around. Joseph pointed to a temple.

"Look!" He cried.  
"Oooh…" Mike oohed. "Lets go there!"  
"No!" Joseph snapped. "You'll look like a tourist!"

"Verily." Richard agreed.

Richard is awesome.

**_11:06 _**After a whole six minutes of tedious contemplation, examination and analysis, we decide we will go to the Temple of Time.

**_11:10 _**In the temple, there's a whole choir strange voices, singing a mystical song. It starts to get incredibly annoying after a while. Richard starts yammering a whole load of bull about the "Door of Time," and "The Legendary Blade." We expect that he has been in at Mike's prozac again.

**_11:15 _**We go in through the Door of Time, just for the hell of it. We don't know why, we're cuccos, we do random, meaningless things like this all the time. There's a young boy wearing a green tunic sleeping on a military cot at one end of the room. We decide to wait until he wakes up to ask him what's going on.

**One helluva long wait later. **

**_11:25, Seven years in the future _**The boy starts to wake up. A very chubby man runs in, and starts panicking. Quickly, he began to assemble what looks like a set from a sitcom, with big platforms and props and florescent lights.

**_11:30 _**The boy wakes up. The Chubster spout gibberish about destinies and sages and sacred realms. He then says to look at himself, and nearly gives the boy a heart attack. After some more nonsense, the boy walks out of the set, causing it to fall down around him.

**_11:40 _**After some heated discussion, we decide to warn the fellow of the legions of undead critters waiting to suck his blood.

"Wait!" Joseph cried. This caused the boy to turn and at him.

"Erm.. Hi?" He asked warily. He hadn't talked much through TC's speech. Maybe it's because he wasn't allowed a word in edgeways.

"Salutations!" Richard exclaimed. "We are Richard, Sylvia, Mike, and Joseph the cuccos, previously of Lon Lon Ranch, now of nowhere. We have come to warn you of the nasty blood sucking beasties that await you outside of this temple!"

"Oh goodie.." The boy said dryly.

"Ah, we do not understand your joy of this tragic news.." I said slowly. "Could you explain this further?"

An: Done. This chapter was fun to write! Very fun! Hope you enjoyed it. Please review! Oh, and the cuccos say Miss and Mr before the names because they acknowledge that other races are higher up than them, and so address them like that because of it.

Reviews 

**Uber Spoonz: Thanks for the comment! That always annoyed me.. I guess the other Gerudo were to nice to say…**

**Vladimir the Hamster: They are indeed. And many thank yous for the review!**


	4. Chapter 4

**The Diary of Richard the Cucco**

**Seventh year, day three of King Ganondorf's reign**

Location – Hyrule, where else? 

_**05:00** _Was awoken by Sylvia crowing. Damn she's annoying, but what a hot piece of ass. They're watching me.. I know it. That boy Link is unnatural. He has a strange aura.. Must look further into this. After all the introductions are done and dusted, a most strangely feminine man turned up.

"I am Sheik," He said. "Survivor of the Sheikah. I've been waiting for you…"

"…" Link said nothing, just giving the guy a questioning stare.

"And when I see you there, holding--"

"Whoa, whoa, wait up there, bud." Mike snapped. "The Hero of Time doesn't swing that way, 'kay?"

"Er… right.." Sheik began, staring at him. "As I was saying.."

"Just who are you?" Link asked curiously.

"I'm Sheik. I'm going now." He said, stepping back into the shadows.

We stared at him for a while.

"Just pretend I'm not here."

**_05:15 _**Arrive in the market square. At first we were confused and disorientated, then, we realised, with utter horror, that this was what the castle town had been reduced to. If cuccos could cry, I know Joseph would right now. This was his home. It had been perhaps one of the liveliest places in Hyrule. Now, it was a wreck, with houses reduced to ruins and Redeads scattered about the place. I shielded my eyes with my wing. I was afraid to see someone I knew. I was terrified that one of them might be the little girl who chased cuccos round the square, or perhaps the man who had sold me as a young cucco to Talon. A deep moan was emitted from its nonexistent mouth. I tried not to listen to it, worried it might sound like someone I would remember from times gone by. Link put on a brave face, unsheathed his sword and put his best foot forward. What happened next is something that will stick in my memory forever. After a few hacks with the sword, the creature let out an unearthly scream and keeled over. The scream attracted the others, who immediately started to lurch over. They weren't after us though. They wanted their dead companion. Each one reacted differently. One kneeled down and placed a hand on it's chest. The other plucked a dead lily from a dirty plant pot, and placed it atop the carcass. The third tore a leg off and chewed idly on it. The other took a hairy fit and kicked the wall, it's foot crumbling on contact.  
"Lets get out of here." Link suggested.

**_06:00 _**Link thinks that we go to Kakariko to stock up. Sylvia wanted to go to Gerudo Valley so she could gossip with Nabooru. Women.

**_06:05 _**After a good bit of discussion, which is a fancy word for arguing, we go to Kakariko, mostly because The Womanly Man told him to. It's nice to know that Link is obedient.

**_06:30 _**Arrive in Kakariko, and for some reason head to the graveyard.

Sylvia started singing that irritating song, the one that goes, "Dem bones, Dem bones."

Joseph told her to zip it. I thanked him.

**_06:35 _**Upon getting very angry, Link kicked a grave stone. Instead of breaking his toes, though, the stone slid forward. Shrugging, he climbed down, us following close behind.

A ghostly voice was singing…

**An: Yay! Next chapters full of Dampe bashing. :-) **

**I miss Lawrence.. He was so much fun to write.. Wipes a tear away. I think there was a li'l bit of him in Sam.. You know, before he drowned.**

**I miss him. **

**Anyways, I'm really sorry for the long wait. School starts in three days and so its becoming incredibly hard for me to write humour.**

**All of the cuccos are © ME! The author.**

**I do not own Zelda.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Diary of Joseph the Cucco**

**Seventh year, fourth day of King Ganondorfs reign**

**Location: Some schmo's grave**

Previously, on Cucco Diaries… 

"**I feel pretty, oh so pretty, oh so pretty and witty and ga – Hey! Kids!"**

"**Wierdo."**

**_06:40 _**Upon entering the grave, we found its owner singing. A very frightening and disturbing song. One we never want to hear again. Especially when sang by a grown man like him.

"Hola. ¿Querría usted desafiarme a una carrera? ¿Con un hookshot maravilloso y brillante como un premio? " (1)

"¡Sí, Señor!" Sylvia answered.

"You speak Spanish?" I asked. "I didn't know that."

"There are a lot of things you don't know about me, Joseph."

"¡Fantástico!" The ghost of Dampe yelled.

"What'd he say?" Mike asked.

"Race him, Link!" Sylvia urged.  
**_07:00 _**Link came back soon, and waved his prize in Sylvia's face.

"That is the last thing I do for you again!" He raged. "I got burnt, bruised and attacked by rabid pitbulls!"  
"I understand the burns and bruises, but where did the pitbulls come from?" Sylvia stammered.

"Why, you!" Link yelled. "I'll – I'll.. I'll.."

"Stutter her?" I suggested.

"Witty, Joseph." Richard said dryly. "Witty."

"Yeah, well." Link muttered. "Lets go save Saria."

**_8:20 _**Heading to the Forest Temple, we realised Ganondorf was a pretty bad guy. But it wasn't his fault. The poor soul had probably got bullied rotten with his clashing hair. Sylvia now believes that it doesn't clash, it "contrasts." She's a strange girl.

**_8:40 _**We arrive. I decide I don't like the the temple much. After dragging ourselves through a maze of moblins (Link learned to use the hookshot a little to late..), who should up but Womanly Man.

"The flow of time is always cruel..

Its speed seems different for each person, but no one can change it..

A thing that doesn't change with time...

Is a memory of younger days…"

"What does this all mean, exactly?" Link asked.

"In order to return here again..

Play the Minuet of Forest…"

"Erm.. Okay."

**_9:00 _**After several attempts, Link managed.

"I will go now.." Sheik said, stepping back into the shadows. "Just pretend I'm not here."

We knew the drill by now.

Link took out his hookshot, aimed for a bit, and then finally set it out for a bit sticking out of the wall. What came next was unlucky, but it made getting into the temple a hell of a lot easier for us. At first a few stones fell out of a wall, then it was followed by a deep rumble from the temple, causing the whole half of it to cave in, most of the rubble stopped just at our feet.  
"Well," Link said, shrugging and beginning to climb up it. "Lets go."  
When we got inside, we witnessed a bunch of poes stealing the lights.

"Oh no!" Sylvia screamed. "It's a daylight robbery!"  
"Ick. Bad pun." Link said. "I'm going to go get the lights back. You lot wait here."

After a few minutes, Sylvia spoke.  
"Mike.. Shouldn't we do something to pass the time? Like singing or something?"  
"I think singing or something sounds like an excellent idea!" Joseph added.

"Crawler.." Richard mumbled.

"Okay! So lets sing!"  
"…"

"Does anyone know HOW to sing?"

"Um.. oh!"  
"What!"  
"I know one!" Sylvia called out.

"So sing it."  
"Ahem.

Ah'm a cat, ah'm a cat, ah'm a Glesca cat,

'N' ma name is Sam the skull…"

**_12:00 _**Seeing as that's the only song we knew, we went through it several times. Link came back on around the seventh rendition of it.

"Ah ken it may soon' absurd,

But ah'm livin whea a burd,

In a sing-el end in Mary'ill…

Ah'm a cat, ah'm a cat, ah'm a Glesca cat,  
'N' ma name is Sam The Skull.  
Ah've got claws on ma paws like crocodile's jaws  
And a heid like a fermer's bull.

Ah'm not the kind of cat that sat on the mat  
Or even by the fireside rug.  
Ah'm the kind of cat that malkies rats

And eats the occasional dug."

"What are you doing?" Link snapped.

"Yeah, maybe we should sing a different song.." Sylvia admitted.

"Ooh! I remembered one!" Mike shouted.

"Sing it!" I urged excitedly.

"Ooooh..

There's bin a merder in the chip shoap,

Wer a wee dug steal a haddie bone,

And inother dig tried tae take it aff it,

So ah hit it wae a tattie scone.."

Link groaned. This would be a long day.

**An: There's a story behind this one. You see, my friend and I weren't allowed to celebrate Burns' day, so we agreed to celebrate it in the middle of the summer instead. Happy late Burns' Day, everyone! May your days be poetic and joyful! **

If you're wondering, Glesca is Glasgow. 

Thanks to the reviewers! Whom I cannot reply to right now.. **Grumbles.**


	6. Chapter 6

**The Diary Of Bob The Cucco, A Complete Newcomer**

**Day Something of King Ganondorfs Reign**

**  
**

An: I apologise for the long wait, the new character, the fact I don't have a clue what going on IN MY OWN STORY, and for the capital letters.

_You see, and I know that every readers out there, that at some points in there lives, an author will some, perhaps even many, very nasty periods of time.   
Writers block._

This is my pitiful excuse for the new chapter, written in a feat of pure guilt.

_And without further ado, enjoy the randomness._

**7:00 **You know what I hate? Cranberry juice. It's one of the strangest liquids in the world, and I don't think anyone really knows which it is: Sour or Sweet. I am a young and naïve cucco; I don't know what is right and what is wrong, and perhaps that's how I got wound up with King Ganondorf in Gerudo Valley. Perhaps that's also why I have to wait in this musty old room with a dark version of The Hero of Time. The Dark Link, who, as he has told me anyway, was quite fondly named Fred by his master, is really quite clueless. Perhaps that is why King Ganondorf say we are compatible.

**7:30 **Although my new home is a room in a large palace-like structure called the Water Temple, it mimics an open, barren plain. Knee high (To a hylian, anyway.) water lies on the floor. Fred and I have complained to Ganondorf over and over that it completely ruins the carpet and any wallpaper we put up. A couple of islands are in the room too, and they were probably intended to be our sleeping quarters. Sometimes, Morpha and her personalities pop round for a cup of tea, but other than that, it's pretty lonely. Any talking that is done echoes around the chamber. It's sort of sad.

**10:00 ** I tell Fred that it's his turn to microwave lunch, though he firmly believes it to be mine.

And then, in a stroke of genius, he hollered, "I know! We'll check the calendar!"  
Yup, that's a good idea. But the calendar's on the wall, and we only get our walls back when The Hero of Time defeats Fred. I believe it's supposed to be sort of bitter irony.

Damn.

**12:00 ** Hurrah! Rejoice, for the Hero of Time has come to free us from the prison! I was a bit curious as to why he had cuccos with him, but decided to ignore him. If he's here to kill Fred, I suppose I shouldn't complicate things. Fred said to the hero that his sword was awfully shiny, and asked if he may hold it. Fred was told quite firmly where the sword was going to go. Fred got the picture. And it was an awfully ugly picture. Fred got upset and ran away, sobbing.

"He's sensitive." I stated.

"Obviously." The female cucco snorted. "Now, unless you're going to show us to the big evil scary monster, you can just stick---"

"Ah, you want to see Morpha?" I asked, excited. Morpha got very few visitors, especially since the "monster" rumours started. I knew that this would make her very happy.  
"She?" The boy said, confused. "The monster's a _she_?"

"Yup." I replied. "Morpha was Miss Aquatic Being of '93."  
For some strange reason, they looked at me like I was crazy.

"Right…" One of the other cuccos said slowly. "So. Can you show us to her lair?"  
"Sure!" I replied. "Come on."

**12:30 "**Well." I said. "Here we are."  
"Great." The eldest cucco muttered. "Link, get in there."  
"You can't just waltz in there!" I screeched.  
"Why?" Link asked.

"It is a ladies room! You can't just go right into a lady's living quarters! What kind of per---"

"Okay." Link snapped. "Okay, I'll knock."

"I'll be just a minute!" I could hear Morpha sing from behind the door.

**13:12 **Morpha still hasn't answered the door. I wonder what she does in there. No one really knows for sure, but rumour has it that she has connections with the black market and that she spends her "minute" tidying away the stolen things she bought. But I guess we'll never know.  
"Okay, dearies, you can come in now!"  
"Right. Lets go." Link said, a grimace on his face.

"Ooh!" I exclaimed. "I should warn you: If you're offered pea soup, don't take it."  
"Er.. Right."

Mwahahahahaha!  
Next chapter: Links epic battle with Morpha.  
Read, then shower me with reviews, okay?


	7. Chapter 7

**The Diary of Sylvia the Cucco**

**The day we met Morpha**

_An: Tomorrow is FRIDAY! Woooooo!  
Yippee! Whoopee! Yaynesse!  
_…

_Okay, I'm done.  
This chapters probably the most random and stupid, but still.  
Oh, and Morpha is based very highly on my friend.  
:P_

**13:15 **So Link hasn't moved in two minutes. You can kinda understand. The last battle was so terribly grim we just couldn't bear to diarise it. Link just didn't see those holiday slides coming. It was lucky he had a healing fairy, actually.

**13:17 **Bob eventually coaxed Link into the room with a cookie.

"Watch out, Link!" Navi, Links' fairy partner squealed. "That doesn't look like normal water!"

"Well," A voice from the water shrieked, taking us all, excluding Bob, by surprise. "I should certainly hope not! Thirty five minutes it took me to put on my make up!"

A swirling blue tentacle thingy came out of the water and a banner unfurled underneath it.

The tentacle tsked. "I really should capitalize that M.. Still.. What can I do for you, dearies?"

"I want the Water Sage to be free!" Link said boldly, but his spurt of bravery was cruelly cut short. "Erm.. Please?"

"Out of the question!" Morpha snapped. "Unless…"  
"What?" Joseph asked, an eyebrow raised.

"Unless… You take me shopping!" Morpha yelled evilly.

"Um.. That doesn't sound so terrible.." Mike muttered.

"Shopping!" I squealed, delighted. "I love shopping!"

**15:30 **"And it was THIS small!" Morpha said, concluding her story by making a finger and thumb out of her free tentacle and leaving about an inch of a gap.

"Are you serious!" I giggled, almost dropping my coffee cup.

"One hundred percent."  
"No way!"  
"Way."

"What are you two talking about?" Link asked, looking up from the boys table.

"Ganondorf's winkie." Morpha laughed. For a monster working for Ganon, she was very nice.

Bob spat his coffee out. "Ew…."

"More importantly," I asked. "Was it.. Was it masculine?"

"'Bout as masculine as a fluffy pink kitten."

"How do you know anyway?"

Morpha didn't answer.

**16:00 **"That was nice, Morpha!" Richard said, waving goodbye. "See you again sometime!"  
"It was my pleasure, sweetie." Morpha beamed. "And all of you, take care of yourselves, okay?"

"We will, Aunty!" The boys shouted back.

"That's nice. Now get home before you catch a cold."

_An: Done. Nuff said._


	8. Chapter 8

**The Diary of Richard the Cucco**

An: It's Richards' diary again! YAY!  
This story is not dead! YAY!  
I like Cheese! YAY!

**8:00 **I miss Morpha, but right now Link says we have to go to Kakariko. I asked him why. He told me to be quiet. Don't ask me why.

**10:00 **I hate the walk to Kakariko. Because it's so long. Bob seemed to be getting annoyed too.

"Are we there yet?" He ask

ed.  
"No."I replied.

"Are we there yet?"  
"No."

"Are we there yet?"  
"No."

"Are we there yet?"  
"No."

"Are we there yet?"  
"No."

"HEYHEYLISTENLOOKOUTLISTENHEYHEYWATCHOUTLOOKOUT!"Navi, Links fairy, yelled, flying out from beneath his hat.

"What?" Sylvia asked.  
"Anyone know naviese?" Bob asked hopefully.

"I do!" Mike said. "Um.. Looklooklistenwatchoutlistenlook?"  
Link gasped. "You just called her a slut!"

"ListenLISTENlooklookWATCH_OUT_!" Navi shouted angrily.

**10:39 **Finally, we've reached Kakariko. Our happiness was cut short when we saw Womanly Man, though.

"Link…" He muttered. "Keep away..."

"Gladly." Link said.

"Link, you idiot!" Womanly Man suddenly snapped. "Get over 'ere!"  
"Yes, sir."

"Ahem." WM began. "For quality carpets, come to BOBS KARPET WAREHOUSE! And you KNOW it's cool 'cos it's got a K!"

Link stared.  
"No, wait, I mean--"  
Suddenly, a huge, omnificent shadow burst out of the well. I don't know what that means, but it sounds brilliant.

"O woe is to be the last villagers of this, Kakariko Village," It shrieked. "May their children's children remember the angst and sadness of this, the day of the wells shadows—"  
"Stick with your lines, Jerry!" The director yelled through his megaphone. "No ablibbing!"

An: It's short, yeah. Why? Have you got a problem with that?

…

_REVIEWS!_

TCD 

**Hopeless Maiden: -Looks at ground.- Icky:P**

**I don't know if Ruto was freed.. Maybe, maybe not!**

**Uber Spoonz: Yeah.. I don't know WHY everyone portrays Morpha as an ugly male monster.. She is OBVIOUSLY a forty two year old, house-proud, but awfully kind minion! Sheesh, get it right, people!**

**-Hides from sharp pointy objects thrown by OoT novelisers.-**

**I mean, you're opinion counts to!  
-Hides from considerably less sharp pointy objects thrown by OoT novelisers.-**

**LoZ:UA**

Uber Spoonz: -Shifty eyes.- I've updated! Now get updating! But ta much for the squeaky toy! Maybe.. If you're a good girl and update soon, I'll put up the TOILET SCENE! (Though God forbid..) Kitty29: Yup, that's the ending. Maybe.. Quite probably.. But then again… 

**MAYBE NOT! QUITE PROBABLY NOT!  
Ya never know… **

**As for Ganondorfs job.. That's something that can only be answered by…**

**  
Ganondorf's Never Ending and Highly Tedious Quest For A Job! **

(Coming soon to a theatre near you!)


End file.
